LIF Snow Fall Part 2
[Zoe walks into the Moose Lounge. As she enters, she smells cigarette smoke and alcohol. She sighs as she enters. She approaches the bartender.]
Zoe: Hello, my name is Zoe Trent. I just came here and heard that your looking for a new singer.
Bartender: Yes, our last one died from old age. He're a question though missy, do you have a resume?
Zoe: Why of course. [She gives the bartender her resume.]
Bartender: [Reading resume] Seems legit. Usually we have to fill out some other paper work but since your the only person to ever apply for this job in months, so welcome aboard. Your first act begins Wednesday at 9 PM.
Zoe: Well, can I at least talk to the manager?
Bartender: I am the manager, and I say welcome aboard.
[Under a bridge in town, the Ice King's latest victim is tied to a chair. She has tape tied over her mouth so that no one can hear her screams. Ice King approaches her.]
Ice King: So, do you like my place? I know it's a little messy but I haven't had any time to clean it up, what with the cops always arresting me and all.
[The captive screams some more. Ice King then slaps her.]
Ice King: Oh I'm sorry baby, I din't want to hurt you. It's just that did you know what they did to me in those showers? Those dreadful, dreadful showers. My only companion is Gunter.
Ice King: Yes, he is an actual penguin in Michigan. But that's not the point, the point is I need a princess to keep me company.
[Finn, Jake, and Mabel enter the Ice King's hideout.]
Finn: Hold it there Ice King! Your days of kidnapping teen girls are over.
Mabel: [Holding a nerf gun] That's right ice king, taste the might of my rifle.
[Mabel fires her Nerf Gun at the Ice King. The Nerf bullet hits Ice King in the eye. Ice King falls in pain.]
Ice King: Oh God that fucking hurts! What the fuck is wrong with you kids today? Don't you know not to shoot a guy in the eye?
Mabel: Oh man, I didn't mean to.......
Ice King: To what? To blinding a guy? I think your too late for that.
Finn: I'll take care of the rest Mabel. You go call the cops.
[Mabel runs outside and calls the police. Finn battles the wounded Ice King.]
Finn: I knew the moment you got out you'd kidnap another innocent pubescent girl.
Ice King: [Grabs a linoleum knife on a nearby coffee table and slashes at Finn. Finn dodges and gets out his wooden sword.]
Ice King: Hold still, I still can't open my eye.
[Jake starts to maul Ice King's leg. He drops the linoleum knife as Jake forces him to the ground. Finn puts his wooden sword to the Ice King's throat.]
Finn: Mabel is calling the cops, your going back to prison where you belong.
Ice King: You know kid, do you have anything better to do then beat up a middle aged man?
Finn: Do you have anything better to do then kidnap teenage girls?
[The police arrive. They enter dragg the wounded Ice King into a cop car.]
Chuck: Hours after you got out too.
Ice King: Longer then last time.
Chuck: Last time you shanked a guy the moment you stepped out of the prison.
Ice King: He was the guy who called me a freak. It was retribution.
Ice King: [As Chuck is putting him in the cop car] When I get out, I'll be prepared. Finn won't be able to stop my quest for princess booty.
Chuck: If you get out. If the judge finally grows the balls to get you put in a maximum security prison.
[Dan enters his house. He puts his bag on his couch and lays on his bed. Mr. Mumbles lies next to him.]
Dan: I get that me and Twilight don't often talk, but is it really so bad?
["Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" by Eric Idle plays as it shows a montage of Dan mistreating Twilight in a similar fashion of the Dan vs. Friendship tumblr.]
[In one flashback, Dan is in Twilight's bathroom, using her toothbrush. Twilight knocks on the door.]
Twilight: Dan! Are you in there again?
Dan: They shut off my water again.
Twilight: Did you at least bring your own tooth brush this time?
Spike: Hey Twilight, why is the living room window broken?
[Another flashback shows Twilight reading a book in the local park when a flaming arrow hits her book. She drops it as it catches flame. A man dressed as Smokey The Bear is laying on the ground as he dodged Dan's arrow.]
Man in Smokey the Bear suit: Oh thank god......
[Dan hits him in the hat. The hat catches flame as the man in fear as the flame on his hat enlarges.]
[Dan is On the top of a playground holding a bow with flaming arrows. Chris is next to him. Chris looks in horror as the man in the suit runs around the park while on fire.]
Dan: Nailed him.
[In the final flashback, Twilight writes a letter to Celestia. Some time later Dan opens her mail box, cuts the envelope open, and reads the letter. He then gets out a marker and rewrites it.]
[In Celestia's office, she is opens the new envelope and reads Twilight's altered letter. She is shocked and disguisted by what she reads.]
[The letter reads "Dear Head Mistress Celestia, I am a jerkass. This week I ate the last cupcake at Pinkie Pie's latest party. I am a stinkin pig that never thinks about the other people who might like that cupcake AKA Dan. PS, ME MAKIN AWESOM BABY LUV WITH RAINBOW DAS.
Your fellow student, Twilight FUCKING Sparkle.]
[In present day.]
Dan: [Gets off bed] So, they want to play that game huh? You know what, fuck it. I just got out of prison and now I'm gonna watch some SOAPS and forget about it.
[Dan turns on the television. He see's a channel announcement saying his favorite SOAP opera has been cancelled and is being replaced with a Honey Boo Boo knockoff called Here Comes Fatty Poo Poo. It then cuts to a special news bulitan about Finn getting Ice King arrested.]
Dan: Fatty Poo Poo!!!!!!
[At the library, Dipper is working on the report when Mabel approaches him.]
Mabel: Hey Dipper, still working on the project?
Mabel: You know that's not due till the day after Christmas break right?
Dipper: I'd like to finish it during break so that way I have more time for break.
[Outside, Finn is being questioned by police.]
Detective: So, your trying to tell me that you, a kid, stopped this insane Ice guy?
Finn: Me and Jake do it all the time.
[Jake is urinating on a nearby pine cone.]
Cop: Kid, do your parents know what your doing?
Finn: [Lie] Um, yeah. We live in a nice little house in um.... Wheaton Street.
Cop: I would like your parents number.
Finn: [Lie] Sure, it's 989-400-309
Cop: Alright. [Turns around to talk to one of the rookie behind him.] Call that number.
Rookie: Got it sir.
[The cops turns around and sees that Finn and Jake have vanished.]
Cop: Hey, where is he?
[Mabel walks up to the scene.]
Mabel: Hey Finn, here's your nerf gun back.
[Mabel sees Finn is gone.]
Mabel: Hey, where'd he go?
[Zoe walks into her house. She lies down on her couch. There are several stacks of packed boxes near her. She looks at the ceiling as she attempts to contemplating her life to come.]
[Eddy and Ed walk into Eddy's attic. Eddy then looks through a trunk while Ed observes the strange things in the attic.]
Eddy: Does she really think It will be that easy to not invite me? I'll show her.
[Ed looks at a poster of a skeletal dragon.]
Ed: I've seen this movie.
Eddy: Ed, I'm gonna need you for this. You got invited right?
[Ed pulls his cell phone out of his butter covered pockets and shows Eddy the text on his almost broken cellphone.]
Ed: Right there Eddy.
Eddy: That's why I need you for this mono brow. [Eddy gets a red Santa hat out of the trunk and puts it on Ed] This is going to be the infiltration plan of a lifetime.