LIF Worst Film Pt. 2

[N is in the car. Grunkle Stan is driving the car, N is sitting in the front while Mabel and her friends Grenda and Candy. They are fan girl squealing every couple of seconds.]


N: We've been driving for half an hour now. In another couple of minutes we will reach our destination. The girls are only talking about that damn book.


[The girls fan girl squeal]


N: This is worse then ear sodomy. [N observes Grunkle Stan who seems irritated] Even Stan is in much dismay due to their high pitch squeal over a shit vampire book that's rough draft should have been burned instead of published.


[Mordecai and Rigby are the DVD store. They are looking for Battle Ship to no avail.]


Mordecai: I don't think they have it dude.


Rigby: Come on, it just came in today.


Cashier: Hey, can I help you two find something?


Mordecai: Hey, do you guys have Battleship?


Cashier: Yes, but you will have to talk with the manager on that. I'll get him for you.


[The cashier gets out a menacing looking book from under the desk. He opens the book. The pages are blank at first but blood red letters then appear, followed by a sudden flash. The manager then emerges from the smoke. The manager is an evil looking figure with a pointy nose, scars all over his face, a eye that is missing a pupil, his nails are long and untrimmed, and he is wearing a black robe.]


Manager: [In an evil voice] Who dares to summon me?


Rigby: Um, hey, do you have Battleship?


Manager: So, you wish to rent the film known as Battleship. Am I correct?


Mordecai: Um, ya.


Manager: Ha, do you know how many will crave to see this film? It is shitty yes, but it is still going to motivate those bravest of adventurers to seek it out. Yes, I have it, but first you must enter my realm of torment and pain and best my ordeal in order to rent this film.


Mordecai: Wait, what?


[The manager teleports Mordecai and Rigby to the center of his realm.]


Rigby: [looks around, there are burning corpses hanging on the wooden ceilings] Looks like a level out of Doom or something.


Mananger: Do you like it?


Rigby: Look man, can we just have the DVD? I think we have enough to rent for three days.


Mananger: For this DVD no earthly credits is required, but whether you must best me at [gets out a box of Clue] my challenge.


Mordecai: [Unamused] Alright.


[At Nny's house, Nny is cleaning up a knife he used to kill his latest victim when he hears his door bell ring. He answers the door to see Pinkie Pie with her party cannon.]


Nny: [Sarcastically] Great, you again. Um, what is that contraption?


Pinkie Pie: This is my state of the arc PARTY CANNON!


Nny: [Looks at Pinkie confusingly] Right, and what do you plan on doing with it?


Pinkie Pie: Well, it occurred to me what you need is a someone to talk to. So I'm throwing you a party.


Nny: Wait, what?


[Pinkie Pie enters Nny's house. She fires her party cannon at his living room.]


Pinkie Pie: This is gonna be great.


[Nny is shocked]


Nny: I..... I think I need to have a talk with someone for a minute. Be right back, K?


Pinkie Pie: I can wait.


[Dan meets Octavio and his men at the parking lot of the Midland Target. Dan exits his car and approaches Octavio.]


Octavio: Hey man, you got the stuff?


Dan: Wouldn't let you down Octavio. So, do you have a plan?


Octavio: Yeah, fire at the ceiling, get the special edition, burn it, then leave.


Dan: Sounds simple enough.


Octavio: Believe me, when it comes to that Twilight bitch, it's easier said then done.


[Grunkle Stan parks the car near the line at the Barnes & Nobles.]


Grunkle Stan: [As Mabel and her friends exit the car] I'll be back at four. First I've gotta drop N here off, then I'm gonna hit the bar or something like that. Well anyways, keep out of trouble.


[The car drives away. The girls get in line with Margaret.]


Mabel: Hey Margaret. I didn't know you were a Twilight fan.


Margaret: Hey Mabel. No, I'm actually here to tell off Stephenie Meyer.


Grenda: What? Why would you do that? She's like, the greatest writer ever.


Margaret: No, no. Shakespear is the greatest writer ever. Stephanie Meyer is just an anti feminist who's sole purpose is to send women back thirty years.


Mabel: [Confused] Wow, my mind just got blowned.


Candy: Wow, that was deep Margaret.


Margaret: Thank you. I can only imagine Stephenie's reaction when I say it straight to her face.


[Grunkle Stan is driving with N sitting next to him.]


N: So, did those girls drive you nearly insane too?


Grunkle Stan: I'm used to it by now.


N: It's like fucking ear sodomy. Nothing substantial and will most likely make you deaf.


Grunkle Stan: So, where in this town do you need to go?


N: The suburban areas. Just drop me off wherever. I'm sure I can find my way.


[Stan drops N off at the suburban area. N exits the car.]


N: Yeah, I can take it from here.


Grunkle Stan: Um, there's still the matter of payment.


N: Right.


[N gives Stan 80$]


Grunkle Stan: Thank you for driving Stan's transportation vehicle. Have a good day.


[Stan drives away.]


Grunkle Stan: [Holding the 80$] In this town, I'm gonna make 800 out of you.


[At the Barnes & Nobles, Dan, Octavio, and his men are walking towards the building while Margaret, Mabel and her friends are inside. They are nearing Stephenie Meyers who is giving autographs. A banners reads 3:30 PM, unavailing of special edition Twilight cover.]


Mabel: OMG Where so close to Stephenie Meyers, I can't wait to finally speak to her!


Grenda: Me either!


Candy: I know.


[They fan girl squeal. Margaret is a bit annoyed. She receives a call from Mordecai.]


Margaret: [Answering the phone] Hello?


Mordecai: Hey Margaret, doing anything later?


Margaret: I'm gonna talk of the bitch who wrote Twilight and plans to send women back three decades, but either then that I'm off for the night.


Manager: Mordecai! Hang up that damn phone and lets finish this game!


Mordecai: [Sigh] Hold on.


[Mordecai hangs up.]


Manager: So, we have come to the end of this trial. I will say, Mr. Green in the kitchen with the gun?


Mordecai: No, it was Mrs. Peacock with a knife in the ballroom.


Mananger: I said Peacock.


Rigby: No you didn't. You said Green.


Mananger: So I did. Very well. [Gives Rigby the DVD] It is now yours. You have survived my ordeal.

[They are teleported back to the DVD store.]


Rigby: Yeah! We are so gonna watch this bitch.


Mordecai: Hold on.


[Mordecai attempts to call Margaret. It is revealed that Dan, Octavio, and the others have taken the Barnes & Nobles hostage.]


Mordecai: She's not picking up.


Rigby: Maybe she's just busy or something.


Mordecai: Yeah, she said she was going to tell off the person who wrote Twilight.


Rigby: Dude, really?


Mordecai: Apparently.


Rigby: Give her some points, Twilight sucks.


Mordecai: Ain't that the truth.


Dan: [Octavio is organizing his men] Okay people, [gets out a pistol] I'm not usually a killer. But What this woman right here did was kill the vampire genre with her shitty romance story. Now, for anyone who wants to be a hero, remember that this gun is high caliber, and I will shoot if needed.


[Dan fires the gun at the window, the bullet ricochet a bit before it miraculously hits N in the hand.]


N: [In pain] Holy fuck, where did this come from?

[N looks around and see's no one. Blood is coming out his wound. He continues to walk.]


N: Must find Marceline before I.... bleed.... out....